


Caught

by ParkerCat



Category: Thunderbirds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24968476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParkerCat/pseuds/ParkerCat
Summary: Scott struggles with his sudden responsibilities.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Caught

There he was. 

Caught.

Trapped in the middle of everyone’s needs and wants. Buffeted around with no say in anything and no way out. His absolute need to keep them happy outweighing everything and making it impossible to even think of anything else. A thought surfaced asking how long it had been since he had done something he wanted to do. He managed to cling on to it for long enough to realise that the answer was that it had been weeks at the very least before being dragged back into the vortex of his brain.

And those weeks spent running around after everyone had led him here. Lying in bed. Fighting for breath. With his head a tornado of unspoken thoughts and wanting to scream. Run. Escape. Anything to get away from the crushing feeling in his chest and the words. So many words rushing through his head, clamouring to be heard.

Of course, deep down he knew that they were only checking everything with him because of their own uncertainty and desire to do the right thing. But this more rational thought still struggled to be heard against the rest. And ultimately it didn’t make anything any easier. They looked to him to lead and he couldn’t blame them – he’d have done the same if he was in any of their positions. But the stark reality was that he knew no more than them. He didn’t know how anything could ever get better from this. How they could possibly go on.

Lost.

He was so lost.

What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. There were no rules for this. No manual. No procedures. 

And so, in the absence of any better ideas, he carried on making decisions for everyone on a never-ending stream of seemingly inconsequential things. All day. Every day. Hoping that they would somehow add up to a big decision on something. Anything. But that hope had proved futile so far.

Was this the life he wanted? Could he do this forever? Or would he snap one day under the responsibility he’d suddenly been handed through no choice of his own and end up losing everything? He was trapped with indecision.

Maybe it would get better? He clung to that thought. When it wasn’t all so… raw. Maybe they wouldn’t need him as much as they do now. He’d done this once before after all, as a teenager who’d just lost his mom and who’s dad had disappeared into his work to bury his grief. Four younger brothers had flocked to him then too, asking his opinion on everything. Too young and too scared to make any decisions by themselves. And now he was doing it again. His brothers were older but no less lost by the sudden void left by their father’s disappearance. Once again turning to the brother who had filled the role of protector before. He was just as lost now as he had been then. 

The thoughts stilled for a second and he breathed deeply, noticing for the first time his tangled sheets that seemed somehow to mirror his thoughts. He was suddenly conscious of how every muscle in his body had tensed against the onslaught of words that swirled around his head and he gingerly stretched them out, painfully aware of the aches that were already developing. The room seemed to come back into focus as oxygen hit his system again giving him a moments peace before the second wave of attack came as he knew it would. 

And without warning there it was, washing over him again in a wave of unbidden and unwelcome thoughts and emotions. He curled up against it, grabbing at the covers as a feeble form of protection against the words in his head. 

What if it doesn’t change? What if it’s always going to be this intense? He can’t do it. He can’t keep giving permission for even the slightest thing. But he’s too filled with grief, anger and shock to do anything but comply blindly to requests. Why can’t anyone make any decisions by themselves any more he wonders, before that thought is snatched from him too.

And so there he was again.

Caught. 

Trapped in the middle of everyone’s needs and wants. Unspoken words flying through his head. Words about the others that were unkind and definitely better left unsaid. Words he was ashamed to even think, especially as his breathing calmed once more and reality started to creep back in. 

Because of course he’d do it forever. They were his family and now his responsibility. And they were his strength just as he was theirs.


End file.
